A Dream in Blue

Am I aware of when I am being present to another?

Today, as my wife began to tell me about her dream. My thoughts went elsewhere. They went to the subject of this blog, presence. Then I realized that I was not present to her. I reflected back to what she was saying.

As my mind continued to bounce between what she was saying and my observations about my level of presence, I wondered why I should be present. How could I be more present? What would happen if I was more or less present?

Then I realized that she felt alone. In her dream she struggled with a challenge in her life. There are many things in her life that she struggles with. She rejects any solution that I offer. I feel the rejection. This time I refrained from offering solutions. When she paused I let her know I was still listening.

As she retold her dream she saw how it mirrored a struggle in her life. In the end she saw a solution. My coaching training told me that is the best solution.

As I write this I recalled more of my thoughts than of her story. Later when she arises from her nap I wonder how she will recall our time together.

I realize that one reason I did not interrupt her was that she had earlier caught me in a “Yes, but…” statement. She had been angry about it. I did not want to repeat it, especially twice in one day.

Now, she is awake and recalls it as a pleasant exchange. I recall it as a struggle to keep my active mind on her story and not interrupt. I guess there is a lot of wisdom in the coaching method that sees the best solution as the one the client creates.

This evening we conversed about another idea. I found that she did not like my, “Yes and…” response much better. I think her idea is an excellent one that will connect many people who now find themselves disconnected

My wife went online and has sent me some resources. I think we will end up collaborating instead of competing as we often do.

I feel my struggle to be present for her helped me thrive.

How have you been present for someone else?

How has it worked out?

Has being present helped you connect and be less lonely?

With whom might you be present?

Among those you meet today, who could use your presence?

Is there anyone you wish was more present to you? Would this blog help you connect?

As All Ways, Seek Joy,

PS, “Yes, but…” statements are those where we start by affirming someone with a yes and then proceed to challenge it with the: but …”

“Yes and …” statements don’t defeat the affirmation. I found that they don’t really let others sore. If I had stopped with “Yes”, I would have affirmed my wife better.

How to deal with a Disability in a Marriage with Ana Loiselle

Relationship coach Ana Loiselle talks about how an illness or disability affects a marriage and how to cope. We explore what sorts of situations arise in a marriage when a chronic illness or disability occurs. This can be with a parent of an adult child or a marriage partner.

We also explore how the brain can be retrained to learn new habits. She uses a method called Habit Coaching.

She offers an 8 week onlne course to strighten relationships.For more information r to sign up for her 8 week course click here.

David Shadbolt the benefits of overcoming addiction and depression

To overcome his alcohol addiction he had to address the emotional and spiritual wounds of his adolescence. This led him to deeper spirituality. He talks about the cost of a relapse. When he asked God to take his addiction he became free of it. He now benefits from 30 years of sobriety.

Once sober, he found he also suffered from depression. Since about age 10, he lived with a low level of depression. He lived with a glass half full. He drank to laugh. To overcome this, he used professional help.

He and his team now help midlife and older adults achieve peak fitness. Not just physical but mental and spiritual fitness as well. The team includes a nutritionist and hypnotherapist. Much of it is online, check them out at http://www.peaksymmetry.com

Can the Disabled “You” Thrive?

It may seem like an oxymoron to say a Disabled person thrives, but is it? Disabled may mean not “able”, but it does not mean dead. “Thrive” refers to how we are living. Can’t we live a full and abundant life with fewer abilities than most?

Can a person with a disability have the same traits as other Thrivers?

Let’s go thru the 8 traits of Thrivers and see.

  1. Thrivers are aware of their situation. Often we get so caught up in our inabilities we forget what is happening around us. Is this good for us? Pause for a moment and think about what is going on with you. Close your eyes and tell yourself what is happening to you. Then notice how the people around you feel? What do they need. If you can answer these questions you can be aware of what is happening around you.

How did you feel as you created this image? If you are like me your aches and pains subsided if not ceased. So, not only can you do this, it is more pleasant to adopt this trait of thriving.

  1. Being optimistic or just oriented to the future: when we struggle to get thru the day it is hard to contemplate the future. Yet, as you pause to look back, can you see that things have been worse? I certainly can. The things I struggled to do a year ago are now easy. I have made progress. In the last day I have found a resource to do something I struggled to do several times over the last month. What difficulty have you resolved in the last month? Is it safe to expect that you will overcome some of the things you now struggle with? You, too, can see a better future. You can be optimistic.
  2. Enjoy a challenge: That thing you struggled with and overcame in the last month might not have given you joy while you were struggling with it. Can you find joy in the fact that you overcame it? I certainly can. Let’s learn to see obstacles as chances to thrive.
  3. Friendly: what does it take to be a friend? Is it not about taking a moment to focus upon those around you and see what they are doing and what they need and then trying to meet those needs. A simple smile can go a long way toward being friendly. You don’t need to have deep heart to heart conversations with everyone. If you tried it might wear you out very quickly.
  4. Willingness to try new things: this can be hard when you struggle to do just the simple things. Could we change this to, “being willing” to try doing things differently?”

Doing things differently is a must when we can’t do things the way we were used to doing them. Willing or not we must do things differently. Sometimes simply not doing things at all is different from trying and failing.

  1. Willingness to share our creativity: Creativity is the trait we use to survive. There is no one around us telling us how to do it. Yes there are resources but we must seek them out and find a way to use them. Are you like me; willing to share your ways to be creative with others?
  2. Can find a purpose in life; this is challenging when we often wish to escape the pain we find ourselves in each moment. For example, the way Brandt Morgan found the purpose in his life was by reaching out to others. By doing this he found that he was overcoming the pain of the moment. See hiss podcast episode in disability Freedom.
  3. Are connected to more than just the physical reality: this means we are spiritual. When the physical reality in which we live fails us, where else are we to turn. When I turned to the non-physical I found such warmth that I longed for more. Since then I have glimpsed it in several moments. I have learned to just pause and let God connect with me. How have you experienced the spiritual dimension of life?

In what ways do you know to Thrive?

When do you feel you are Thriving?

As All Ways, Seek Joy,

Coach Dr. Dave

PS, this is the first in a new blog series, learning to Thrive with disability

Brandt Morgan – Chronic Lyme Complex – live in the moment

“I am going to live the best possible life I can today.”

Life coach and guide Brandt Morgan contracted Lyme disease from a tick bite while in France. Thru years of struggle he found that in helping others and sharing his journey, he had a reason to live. He found ways to live with chronic pain. He now has meaning in the moment and knows that “this too will pass”.

He talks about the spiritual understanding that he has gained from living with Lyme disease. He continues to lead tours and conduct workshops you can learn more at his website www.brandtmorgan.com

Or read his books;

Vision Walk and The Five Agreements Game

Disability and healing with Lisa Larges

Lisa Larges a ministerial candidate in the Presbyterian Church and woman who has been blind since birth, talks about her understanding of God and what it means in the Bible to be healed.


Is it Raining on Your Parade?

Parades are for sunny days.
Parades are bands and kids,
Parades are floats and bikes,
Parades are horses and clowns.
Parades are people in crowds.
Parades are coming together,
Parades make spirits sore.

Parades happen because it’s time,
Parades happen because their fun,
Parades happen because we’re there,
Parades happen because we can,
Parades Happen because we surrender,
Parades happen for our souls.

We can make the floats,
The band can play,
The soldiers can march,
The crowds can watch.
We can feel safe,
We can strut our stuff,
We can connect in Love.

So where’s your stuff?
Your body aches,
Your eyes are dim,
Your ears don’t hear,
Your mind doesn’t think,
You feel alone,
Your soul’s in Pain.

So you’re not there,
You’re not aware,
You’re all alone,
You’re in your home,
Your soul despairs,
That no one cares.

Yet you can move,
You can sense,
You can hear,
You can think,
You can connect.
You can care,
You can pray,
Yet you’re not there.

Do you want to be alone?
Do you like the pain?
Do you like the dark?
Do you like the silence?
Do you like the thoughts?
Do you like being alone?
Do you like despair?

So come and join the Parade,
Come join the fun,
Come be in the sun,
Come be in the crowd,
Come feel the Love,
Come feed your soul!!!

What’s stopping you?
What do you fear?
Is it the fact that you aren’t “them?”

When were you them?
You’re not them,
You’re you!

So what will “you” do?
Will you shed the pain?
Will you see the sights?
Will you hear the sounds?
Will you think the thoughts?
Will you feel the Love?
Will your spirit sore?

So what’s raining on your Parade?

Can you smile?
Can you listen?
Can you pray?
Can you surrender?
Can you be present?
Can your soul connect?
Can you strut your stuff?
Can you have a Parade?

So where’s Your Parade?

Rebecca Anderson: her advice to caregivers

Like so many who receive care Rebecca found that caregivers were often unprepared to assist her. As a psychologist and person who lost her eye sight suddenly she offers several suggestions for caregivers.

Rebecca Anderson: how she and her family adapted to her traumatic vision loss

After losing her eyes and suffering several other injuries in a motor cycle collision. She and her family faced this and other issues. Learn how they came together and overcame them.