вЂњIf youвЂ™re unlikeable, itвЂ™s you against the world.
If youвЂ™re likeable, itвЂ™s you with the world at your side.вЂќ
This is so true, but how often do we feel liked? What ways might you try to behave to be more likeable? Where might you look for ideas?
I bet you are like most people. So who do you like? What characteristics do you see in those you that you donвЂ™t see in those you dislike?
The first thing I notice when I look at those who I like is they like themselves. They are not sad and upset with themselves. I naturally
want to comfort those who are sad, but I tire of doing it all the time. I would rather be with those who feel happy.
People who are happy seem to be easier to be around. They are comfortable meeting others. They say hi and are offering their hand, if not a hug. They seem kind and courteous. They say Please and thank you, just like they were taught.
Yet they seem to be able to go beyond the simple courtesies our Mothers taught us. They seem to be able to fit into the group. They notice how others around them behave. They donвЂ™t cut others off in conversation, unless everyone is doing that. If others always let certain people talk, they do the same.
If you really want to be liked remember,
“It’s easier to see what someone is really like
By how they treat their inferiors, not their equals.”
(S. J.K. Rowling)
Likeable people seem confident. They give an air of positivity. They know they can do what it takes to get the job done. That doesnвЂ™tвЂ™ mean they wonвЂ™t get help and recruit others in the task. I would rather join in a task than just stand there and watch, even when the other person can do it by them self.
Some mistake arrogance for confidence. What is the difference between
confidence and arrogance? Both know they can do the job. Arrogant people seem to have an attitude that others canвЂ™t do the job, or do it as well as them. This can be difficult for those who have struggled to master a task. You naturally want to show off. When kids do it we praise them, but as adults we need to unlearn this. Otherwise we will come over as Arrogant.
Confident people are also relaxed. They arenвЂ™t afraid to let others try.
That doesnвЂ™t mean they let others struggle unnecessarily. They might say, вЂњWould you like a hand with thatвЂќ, instead of вЂњlet me do that.вЂќ
We tend to like people who we can trust. That means many things but goes back to courtesy. They donвЂ™t let us down. If we are trusted, we know what is expected and do that.
When we speak we expect others to listen. Do you like to be ignored?Then donвЂ™t ignore others. Some people donвЂ™t know when to relax and stop talking. Then we have to find a nice way to ask them to, вЂњlet others play, too.вЂќYet, do you like others that ignore what you just said? Instead
acknowledge what they dais and if you donвЂ™t know much, ask a question? Be careful not to challenge their point of view, until you know they wonвЂ™t feel attacked. There is a time for debate and never a time for argument.
People also like to be known, use their name. If they wish to be formal the be formal and say MR. or Mrs. This goes back to the blending into
the group. Informality may be accepted from some people and not others. I noticed this among fellow physicians. To the general public they were Dr. and to each other we used first names.
People always likes to Laugh. A sense of humor is liked. But this can be difficult if you donвЂ™t know your audience. Some people are sensitive about things that others take for granted. Puns usually are safe, but putdowns are very dangerous. They might be offended for an absent friend.
Lastly, we enjoy being with those who enjoy us. In addition to laughing we enjoy being enjoyed.
So if you wish to be liked:
вЂў Like yourself
вЂў Be courteous
вЂў Blend in and accept the groupвЂ™s standards
вЂў Be confident but not arrogant
вЂў Be trustworthy
вЂў Know who you are with
вЂў Make them laugh, and
вЂў Enjoy them
As All Ways, Seek Joy,